Why are YA Parents So Bad: The Five D’s of YA Parents
Why are YA Parents So Bad? The Five D’s of YA Parents
In a 2013 book review, I mentioned a YA book with “parents who fall into what I’m now officially calling the Five D’s of YA Parents: Dead, Divorced, Distant, Drunk, or Distracted.”
And several of you said, “You should do a post on that!” Here it is!
The Types of Parents in YA Books
First off, parents in young adult books have changed between 2013 and 2023, which I’ll address in this post.
But here’s the thing about parents in YA books: they are generally in the way.
How is a young adult character in a book supposed to fall in love with a vampire, save the world, solve a murder, and generally live a main character kind of life with a parent around who is telling them they have a curfew and homework. Rude!
So YA authors need ways to get parents out of the way. In the 1990s and early 2000s, distant, divorced and dead parents were the rule.
NOTE: I am NOT talking about YA issue books that deal mainly with the issue of divorce or grief or alcoholic parents. These are important books that kids need. I’m talking about books that give the parents these issues just to get them out of the way…
By the 2020s, some parents in YA books got more a lot more doting and devoted .. maybe a little too much?
What is the reason for this? It could be that in the 1990s and early 2000s, more YA books were being written by Gen X and older Millennial writers, whose parents were a little more hands off.
YA books have diversified a lot in the last 10 years, and now it’s more common for books to feature main characters from cultural backgrounds where parents ARE more present in their kids’ lives.
Plus, Kids born into Gen Z tend to have helicopter parents. (I’m guilty of that..) So the D’s have to expand in the other direction to Doting, Devoted, maybe even … Domineering? (uh oh…)
The Worst and Best Parents in YA Books:
YA Parents Who Are Deranged…
Unravel Me by Tahereh Mafi
I don’t think there are a lot of flat-out deranged parents in YA, but I’d say that Warner’s father definitely qualifies!
I Hunt Killers by Barry Lyga
Well, this father is an actual serial killer, so I think “deranged” fits the bill.
YA Parents Who Are Double Dads
Lola and the Boy Next Door by Stephanie Perkins
Lola has two dads, which means double the overprotectiveness. I loved them!
YA Parents Who Are Definitely Doting
Revolution by Jennifer Donnelly
Nobody likes to admit they’re a helicopter parent, but most of us do hover. Andi’s best friend Vijay’s mom, Mrs. Gupta, wants the best for her son. No one can say she’s not around. Loved her! Am I like that? Maybe…
YA Parents Who are Deeply Distracted
The Headmasters List by Melissa de la Cruz
The parents in this book were literally at work every minute of the day. Which helped give the main character time to solve a murder.
YA Parents Who are Distant
Along for the Ride by Sarah Dessen
Auden’s dad is kind of a terrible person. He says he wants to spend time with her, but instead ditches Auden, her stepmother and her new baby sister to work all the time.
YA Parents Who Are Devoted Dads
Please Ignore Vera Dietz by A. S. King
I was so happy that parent Ken Dietz gets a POV in this book. And he makes flow charts. Vera’s mom left and he’s doing the best he can to be a single parent to his teenage daughter.
On the Fence by Kasie West
I loved the father daughter relationship in this one. Though it relies on the cliche of the dead mom (ouch!) Charlie’s dad is a stand-up guy who is always there for her.
YA Books Featuring Parents Who Are Distant, Dead, Drunk AND Distracted
Trinkets by Kirsten Smith
This book, which got made into a Netflix series in 2019, has characters with all the D’s: dead, divorced and distracted. So of course their kids can get in all kinds of trouble. Like shoplifting.
YA Parents Who Are Downright Dangerous
Back in the mid-2020s, there were a bunch of YA books about kids of spies and secret agents.
Also Known As by Robin Benway
This fun, fast-paced book is about the child of spies who is trying to be just a normal girl. Of course that will never work!
Yes, there are a lot of terrible parents in YA. But there are LOTS of other amazing parents (or even surrogate parents, like aunts, older siblings, etc.)
Tell me in comments about your favorites!
Ooooooooh… Excellent parents? Well… certainly not Billy Dent. Maybe the Weasleys? Love them.
Billy Dent from I Hunt Killers is another demented one. LOL, maybe there are more than I think….
Yay for the Weasleys 🙂
1
YES to Lola's dads! I loved them to pieces! I also liked Mrs. Garrett in My Life Next Door. And I also love Weasley's, like mentioned above. It's hard to think of any because like you said, those 5 D's!
The Garretts were great — I don't know how they managed so many kids!
2
So glad you're expanding on the "D's" of YA parents. I've really liked the parents in Lindsey Leavitt's books and I know that when I review a book, I usually like to applaud the parents if they're good. What about Clara's mom in the Unearthly series? I thought she was pretty good and very present.
Clara's mom was pretty great, I agree!
3
I've recently read Matched and loved Cassia's parents, they just love her so much <3
You're right — it's been a while since I read that, but she did have wonderful parents!
4
I really had to think hard on this one because a lot of the ones I have read, the parents had been absent or very dysfunctional. I really liked Kiara's parents in Rules of Attraction. They were great and I loved how protective, caring and giving her dad was
Ooh — another D – dysfunctional.
5
Yay- the dad in Vera Dietz was wonderful 🙂
I also really love the Weasleys, of course.
I want to be a Weasley!
6
Hun! I'm trying to think of some good parents…. I loved Charlie's mom in Something Like Normal.
Thanks for sharing!
She made me cry so much — I was holding it together until she came into the book!
7
Good parents… it's funny how it's harder to think of good parents in YA than bad ones. The Weasley's from HP, Bella's dad from Twilight, Umm Mila's "mom" in Mila 2.0 I mean she wasn't perfect, and kept a lot of things secret, but in the end I thought she really was pretty awesome.
Great choices!
8
To think back in most book I've read the characters have some kind of parent-issues. I like reading about great parents! My favorite is Aiden, Kaylee's dad from If I Die by Rachel Vincent! He is amazing!
I need to read that series!
9
I love the Weasley's from Harry Potter, and "The bulldog", Jane's dad from Beyond.
The Bulldog? That's hilarious. I haven't read that one!
10
Awww, I love Ken Dietz. My favorite YA parents are definitely Mr. & Mrs. Garrett from My Life Next Door; they're such a sweet couple and are such caring and involved parents.
Great choices!
11
When I read the first paragraph, I was already thinking of mentioning a deranged parents option to add to the list 😀
It's a good idea actually! It would be nice to know what kind of parents are in a book before hand.
I have read about five books which include a deranged mother or father, mostly mother though. And in four of them the mother was bipolar, I think that's a new wave in books.
Oh, my favorite type of parents are devoted and drama-free, like my parents are. I like that they let me go out with friends and stay the night at their house, I just have to let them know that I'm okay and when I would probably be home.
I was thinking of truly deranged parents, like murderers. And there are a few of those!
12
Lola's dads are the best! The only ones I can honestly think of in YA. Especially in paranormal the parents are absent. In contemporaries they are around more but I would say that again they are usually drunk or distant. Beth's uncle in Dare You To was a good guy and took her in. I can't really think of any others!
Excited to read Dare You To!
13
one of my favortie parents goes back to the Sweet Valley High series. I think part of it is because I've known them for so long throughout the series and that they are so ordinary.
Aw, a blast from the past 😉
14
I feel like it is difficult to find good parents in YA and when a parent is finally good I have to mention it in my reviews because it just doesn't happen that often.
One of my favorite YA parents is Wren's Mother in Cold Kiss by Amy Garvey the relationship Wren has with her mother is so like the one I had with my Mom when I was a teenager that I couldn't help but love it. I also really liked the parental relationship in Pivot Point by Kasie West although they didn't always get along Addison knew both of her parents had her best interest at heart and loved her.
I also wanted to add Juliet Moreau's Father from The Madman's Daughter by Meghan Sheperd to the list of deranged parents!
Haven't read Cold Kiss — it's on my stack of stuff I want to get to over the summer!
YES — Dr. Moreau is truly deranged and demented!!
15
We don't see them a lot but i really appreciate the parents of the merrick brothers in the element series by brigid kemmerer
Love that series!
16
YAY! Ask and you shall receive, love this post! And I REALLY love all the additional D's you have since come up with. My favorite: the Drama Free parent:)
Ok, I want that copy of The Trouble with Flirting badly (loved that book but the last couple of pages were missing from the ARC I read!)
My fave parent in YA would be Sid's mother in Colleen Clayton's What Happened Next. She was this awesome, fiesty Irish mom who loved her daughter (and family) to pieces. She was fierce but also soft at the same time. And most importantly, she was always very present in her daughter's life. An amazing mom:)
What? Missing pages — that's so annoying!
I have What Happens Next — thanks to the great Starry Eyed Jen — hoping to get to that soon 🙂
17
I agree with about the Weasleys were awesome. Gosh I cannot think of anyone else from the top of my head and that is just sad.. umm umm… I have not read any of the once above, but I am glad there are a few good parents out there 😀
Sad that it is SO hard to think of good parents!
18
This is a cool topic choice! One of my favorites would have to be Clara's mom in Unearthly! She's fabulous.
I agree 🙂
19
Okay, so I really loved Patti in Sweet Evil. It was a nice change from the "Five D" parents (though Patti's not actually Anna's biological mom, she's totally her mom!). And Anna wasn't (overly) annoyed by Patti's protectiveness, but was appreciative and you could tell they love each other. To be honest, their relationship was one of the reasons I so thoroughly enjoyed Sweet Evil!
Thanks for the giveaway!
Trying to remember — is Patti her aunt, or her mom's friend? She is really sweet and takes good care of Anna!
20
So I wasn't going to comment because I have won quite a bit lately, but there are several books there I would really like to read and then I read your comments and just had to pitch in. 😉
I DON'T like the new Lola cover. Loved the other one so much more! Besides the fact that the other one fit the story better.
Since everyone is having a tough time coming up with good parents, I'll add several to the list: The surrogate parent in Partials, Katy's mom in Obsidian, Pepper's parents in Not My Type, Cammie's mother (and other parents) in Gallagher Girls were all good parents. A lot of the parents in Janette Rallison's books are great, but she's also a great parent so I'm sure some of that carries over. I definitely notice bad parents in books more than good ones though. I think it's because they tick me off when they aren't doing their job.
Enjoy that lucky streak!
I haven't read any of these except Obsidian!
21
Hmm, most of the books I read seem to have the revelation in them that the characters parents are not their biological parents! A good parent though? Hmm, maybe wren's dad in lovely, dark and deep. dealing with a depressed daughter can't be easy!
I've been wanting to read that book!
22
trying to think of a d-word for non-biological parents, maybe DNA-challenged?
The Weasleys are awesome for sure! I can't really think of any others though.. hmm.. great post!
Love them!
23
That's a hard question – how about Marilla from the Anne of Green Gables series?
Thanks,
Leanne
Aw, I love those books 🙂
24
The Cullen parents in Twilight are awesome…devoted…doting. I love how they protected and helped not only their own kids but anyone else who needed it! Great post and question!
LOL — that is an example of parents who are dead AND devoted. It's hard to be both at once unless you're a vampire.
25
I know you said positive but I have a demented lol The mom in Renegade by J.A. Sauders. She's up there with Warner's dad.
I just read a book with wonderful adults and parents and I can't remember it! It's driving me crazy because I remember being so stunned by the fact that the adults were present and nice. It's such an odd thing in YA and it shouldn't be.
I do agree about Beth's uncle in Dare You To. (saw that one in the comments)
HA — apparently there are more demented/deranged parents than I realized!
26
Although The Mortal Instruments and The Infernal Devices both have cases of terrible parenting (Valentine from TMI and Gabriel and Gideon's father from TID), my favorite surrogate parents are from those series. Charlotte and Henry from TID are the cutest guardians of Will, Jem, and Jessamine. Same with Jocelyn and Luke, who at first bugged me, but now I find them the second cutest YA parent pair.
Hm this one is kind of tough. Not sure if you've read it but I guess the first ones that popped into my head are Philip's parents from That Boy/That Wedding by Jillian Dodd. And I suppose the Weasleys from Harry Potter too!
I have not read that one, but glad to hear of some new examples 🙂
27
Is it sad that I can't think of any "amazing" parents?? lol
AHA! I got one: Eve's parents from Eve Hollows and the Book of Shrieks by Robert Gray. They are awesome! Oh and then there's Graylee's and Charlene's mom from Entangled by Nikki Jefford…she brought her daughter back from the dead!
But sadly, I can think of more "bad" parents than "awesome" parents.
I haven't read either of those, so thanks!
28
Sweet! I love how well you describe each parent. So very true. My I make a recommendation? Read The Chronicles Of Nick by Sherrilyn Kenyon. This book has, in my opinion a great mom who I feel has been more involved in her son's life than most YA books I read. If you read it, let me know 🙂
Nope, I haven't read that series either. Adding to the list!
29
Lola´s dad I loved him =)
They both cracked me up!
30
I like the parents in the River of Time books by Lisa T. Bergren. Although at first, their mom was distant, she came around. And you can tell from the backstory that their parents truly did care about them. Also, I've only read the first one, but it seems like Amy's parents in Across the Universe were very caring too. They gave her a choice and tried to do the freeze procedure thingie with the best intentions for her.
You've got to get to the third book, which I thought showed a very realistic parent/child relationship — loving, but not without some conflict!
31
It's been a while since I read it, but Violet's dad in The Body Finder I remember being appropriately protective. Also, in Divergent Tris's mom is amazing, although maybe this is a bad example…
Ooh, I love that series!
32
OMG I totally loved Lola's dads. They were awesome parents. I know I read a book recently that had awesome parents in it but I cannot remember it! I always think of the bad parents before the good ones!
I guess that the bad parents just stick in our minds the most.
33
Yes I agree, I think Clara's mom from Unearthly is a great parent!!
She is — I loved her!
34
As mentioned, for me it has to be the Weasleys.
Very popular choice!
35
I really liked Lexi's dad in 52 Reasons to Hate my Father. Yes, he was absent for most her life (that is not the part I like, obviously), but I loved how he came around and stepped up in the end.
You're right — that was a very cute book and it's rare to see a parent with a growth ARC like that.
36
It seems like Clary's mom in the "Mortal Instruments Series" really cares about her! Thanks for the giveaway!
mestith at gmail dot com
I read that one so long ago that I forgot what her mom was like — but great idea 🙂
37
Lily Potter, for without her we would have no Harry.
Ooh, good point! Plus, she was really brave and put herself into danger to save him.
38
Well, Riley's dad was pretty awesome in The Demon Trapper's Daughter- then he gets killed around 1/4 into the first book. So… yeah. Wait, I know! I love Keirran's parents from the Lost Prince- Ash and Meghan! 🙂 But I can't think of any other books with awesome parents who didn't use to have their own series before the spinoff series, if that makes any sense. XD
Yeah, I was surprised that he died so soon. And then she had to guard his body — creepy!
39
I really love Jase's parents in My Life Next Door and Layken's mom in Slammed 🙂
I loved Jase's parents!
40
Even though they only made a short appearance, they left a huge mark on me. Mia's parents from If I Stay by Gayle Forman. 🙂
They were great — so sad, though…
41
I think no matter how the parents are, I like to see SOME sort of parental figure in a YA book. Too often, the book is JUST the kids and I always find myself wondering where the heck the parents are. It's great when they're actually involved! I find that Sarah Dessen, John Green, and Stephanie Perkins work in the parents very well!
That's true. The Sarah Dessen parents are often somewhat dysfunctional, but they're there….
42
I think all of the parents in The Fault in our Stars. All parents are dealing with sick loved ones. Not only they ae suffering from illnesses I.e. Cancer but also dealing with relationships. Parents have a hard job finding balance of protecting their child and yet allowing freedom.
I thought Hazel had a great relationship with her parents — great choice!
43
Good parents? I loved Katy's mom from the Lux series by JLA. We didn't see much of her in the series but she definitely is a great parent in my books.
True — she wasn't in there a lot, but she seemed good!
44
Oh my gosh, Jen! My fingers are crossed doubly hard for this one. I see two books that I know the kids from my charity are DYING for. <3
I have to say that I haven't come across many books with proper parents. Most of them have absentee parents in all honesty. I recommend reading 52 REASONS TO HATE MY FATHER. The father was an absentee parent that learned what he was doing wrong, so he quit his billionaire job to spend more time with his daughter and teach her lessons about working from the bottom up because humble roots lead to success. That's a good story about a bad parent forming into a good one.
I enjoyed that book!
45
What a great post!! I'm going to pick Gwen Frost's mom in the Mythos Academy series because although she died early in the series, the morals and values and life lessons that she taught Gwen continue to be present throughout the whole series. Her mom is still having a huge impact on her life and that, to me, is a good mother 🙂
Great choice. It's sad that she died, but she was a great mom. And then Gwen has her grandmother, who is a fantastic surrogate parent.
46
I think I really like Etienne st Clair's mom from Anna and the French kiss… We don't hear a lot from her, but she loves Etienne so mush… and that's good enough for me.
Oh, she was really good. Lili (above) and I were emailing about how the dads in that book were awful, but the moms were good..
47
Aside from Lola'a dads I liked Clara's mum and dad too. Clara is from the Unearthly trilogy.
Agree with that!
48
This might go against this week's question since Mia's parents did end up dying in If I Stay, but since they are so relevant in her flashbacks I think they qualify! They were so lovable and funny and I'm so glad that they were able to make the appearance they did in the book!
I think they definitely qualify — such a sad book!
49
I would choose Harmony. She is the mother to Nash and Tod in the Soul Screamers series. 🙂 So kind and understanding.
– Beckie
Haven't read that one, but I think it got another vote above!
50
Yes! I loved Lola's dads!! Some of my favorite YA parents ever! This is such a great idea or a post.
Jesse @ Pretty In Fiction
Thanks!
51
It's so difficult to come up with one lol!
I like Clara's mum from Unearthly. The events that happened in book 2 made me cry. 🙁
There was also this scene in Morganville Vampires. Claire's parents weren't always around. I don't really remember which book it was but I really liked the talk Claire had with her dad.
I agree — Hallowed was really sad….
52
The Weasleys 🙂 They're fun and love their children.
They have a lot of fans here — me to!
53
This is a hard question – so many of the parents in my favorite books are flawed in some way. I definitely agree with the other comments – I loved the Weasleys in Harry Potter. I also really liked Clary's mom from the Mortal Instruments – even though she wasn't totally honest.
Good choices!
54
My favorite would be Cammie's mom from the Gallagher Girls series. She's such a caring mom and cool too! I wouldn't mind having a spy mom. And the mom of Katy from the Lux series is also one of my favorites. 🙂 Anyways, I completely agree with you regarding Warner's dad. He really is deranged. -__- No wonder Warner acts like that. He's got no choice but to act so tough and rough so his dad won't be mad.
I need to read the Gallagher Girls series!
55
And oh, the Cullens did a great job in being good parents to their kids.
They did!
It's hard finding great parents, because a lot of them don't come up often. But the Weasleys'! You can't help but love them. 😀
I think they are the favorite so far!
56
I actually liked Rose's parents from the Vampire Academy series. They might have been distant, but they were could kick some butt and was there when Rose needed help.
Oooh, good one. They weren't your typical parents, but they were pretty good – especially her dad.
58
I can think of a few good parents. Although they weren't real parents, I loved the Cullens, Esme and Carlisle. I also love Bella's dad Charlie. He reminds me a little bit of my own dad.
I also loved Percy Jackson's mother, although for the life of me I can't remember her name.
Great choices!
59
I just finished the arc for Furious, and I loved Raymond's mom. She was really wonderful! Although I agree, the Weasleys are pretty much perfect.
I love reading YA books with positive parents, or unconventional parent figures- like the stop mom in Crash and Burn.
Have not read those!
60
Hmm, that is actually a hard question, lately I feel like I keep running into AWFUL parents. I would have to say Cas's mom in Anna Dressed in Blood is a good mom and I would have to agree with others, the Twilight parents are pretty great too!
Ashley @ The Quiet Concert
Yeah, I did like Cas's mom — they have a good relationship!
61
But both are sad stories! *sniffs*
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WHILE I AM STILL ACCEPTING COMMENTS, THE GIVEAWAY IS OVER. ONLY PEOPLE ABOVE WITH NUMBERS WILL BE ENTERED IN THE DRAWING — THANKS 🙂